Sex Advice, Sex toys

How to Bring Pegging into Your Relationship

spareparts harness

This piece is written for people who would love to be pegged and need some clarity around broaching the topic and act in their relationships. I originally wrote this post for Manyvids blog, so if you’d prefer to read it there, click here.

I’m a big fan of pegging. To give you an idea how big of a fan I am, in my store you’ll find 4 different pegging videos and only 2 regular sex videos. What can I say? It excites me, and I’m not the only one. I’ve noticed that quite a few guys are into the idea of having their ass fucked with a strap on. As a porn model, I’ve been asked how a guy could broach this topic with his girlfriend or wife many times. So here is my advice:

First, make sure you’re close enough to talk about this kind of thing. If you don’t have good sexual communication, that’s the first place to start. If you both feel comfortable talking about different fantasies you have, you’re at a comfort level where you can bring up pegging. Introduce the topic slowly. If she hasn’t used a finger or two in your ass yet, start by expressing an interest in trying that sometime. Once that’s been happening in the bedroom, gently bring up the idea of strap on play. Tell her how hot you’d find it, and how you’re excited to experiment more with your prostate (aka, basically the male g-spot). Because we live in an odd society that places a lot of unhelpful ideas on masculinity, you might need to assure her that ass play has nothing to do with sexuality. Straight guys can enjoy prostate play too. If you’re not straight, but bisexual, hopefully you’ve come out before bringing this up, as this is a topic that should be discussed on it’s own.

When it comes to hardware, you might have to drop some cash to get a harness that both fits snugly and is durable. Don’t be persuaded by cheap harnesses (ones that cost under $50). Good brands will be generally between $60 and $130. The SpareParts Joque harness is the golden standard, it comes in several colors and sizes for right around $100. If you absolutely need to go cheap, be sure to do your research with reviews first. You want a harness that is going to feel solid to her, and give her more confidence with her movements, not one that is going to flop around and be frustrating to work with, as this won’t be fun for anyone. A quality harness will last for years and years, so think of it like an investment.

Many dildos are compatible with these “O-ring” style harnesses. Look for ones with a flared base (so it doesn’t seep through the hole on the harness) and no added testicles for more compatibility. Unless you’re a veteran when it comes to anal penetration, get a smaller dildo then you think you’ll need. A thick dick with a nice head might sound very appealing, but I can guarantee you that unless you’ve put in the hours to get yourself used to toys like this, the width and the ridges will feel much, much larger when they’re in your ass. For the novice, I’d recommend something smooth, with a thickness no larger than 2.5 inches. A gentle upward curve might feel more comfortable than one that sticks straight out. High quality dildos are silicone, and will be durable and body-safe. Try to avoid “jelly” toys, or toys with phthalates. If you have to skimp on something, the harness or the dildo, you can get a cheaper dildo as long as you use a condom with it every time, as cheaper materials could be porous or contain harmful chemicals.

It’s time to play! Before you begin, make sure you’re clean. This means take a shower and spend extra time cleaning your ass. A lot of people recommend enemas, but these can actually leave water in your system to come out when you’re not expecting it. Just clean the outside. If you want to be sure everything is empty inside, stick your finger back there and check things out. You should be doing that anyway, because a little warm up is necessary! Before filming our pegging videos, my filming partner takes a long shower with his favorite butt plug, stretching his ass out a bit and getting it prepared for strap on play. You can do this all yourself, or your partner can be a part of the process by eating your ass and/or using her fingers on you. You’ll feel when your hole is loosened and ready to be penetrated.

Use lube! So much lube. More lube than you think you’ll ever need. Finger a bit into your ass, rub it around the hole, cover the dildo with it. Make sure you’re using a water based lube, as they are safer for use with most toys. Lay on your back, it will feel a lot better than doggy style for your first time. Push the toy into your ass yourself, so you can control the depth and speed it goes in. Once it’s in, she can start moving her hips. Have her go slowly and gently at first. Communicate your needs clearly, if you need her to just use the tip for a little awhile, say so! If it’s feeling great and you want more, tell her! Stroke your dick while she’s fucking you, a lot men need this kind of stimulation to not be overwhelmed by the pegging. If you’re doing it on your back, it gives her a nice little show as well.

After you’ve finished (and revived from your passed out state, lol) be really supportive of your partner! She just put herself out there and tried something new for you and might be feeling a bit exposed. Tell her how much you enjoyed yourself and how thankful you are that she was open to experiencing this with you!